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The fundamental difference is the focus of erotic activity: is it focused on others, and immoral, or focused on your spouse and thus healthy for the relationship?

Viewing images of your spouse even when your spouse is not present is allowable because it promotes healthy attraction to your spouse… and so does solo masturbation with your spouse as the focus.

We can tie this back in to your earlier arguments. Dopamine is being released in an erotic activity that your spouse is not directly involved in.

Do we see the problem? All your arguments against masturbation do not focus on the act itself but on its supposed lack of bonding to the spouse.

And if it is not, does that not make it sinful by your arguments? And if it is a shared bonding experience, why is it when solo masturbation is not?

Either neither viewing photos of your spouse nor masturbating to those photos is wrong as I argue or both are wrong as with porn.

Re: Easter. I myself choose to celebrate, not because of the significance of the day, but because my family celebrates it, and I celebrate it with my family.

I am curious, though this is not the place to discuss it, why you included hell in your list. I suppose you have an article somewhere where this is discussed?

From my perspective, you would have people give in to their temptation rather than build character. To me, the Bible is pretty strong on self-control, patience, etc..

To me, waiting for your spouse embodies love, patience, faithfulness, and self-control. Four of the fruits of the spirit. Whereas seeking instantaneous self-gratification is the opposite of that.

Ultimately, I matter more than my relationship with my spouse. I disagree, I think the fundamental difference is the shared experience with your spouse.

As for the dopamine question, yes, dopamine is released when masturbating to a picture of your spouse, the problem is that the dopamine is teaching you that you can handle your own sexual needs.

Dopamine links you not only to people but to inanimate objects. It gets released when you find your keys even. As for the hell discussion, I have an old article up here.

Phonenixguy I agree with you. As a former addict of porn, this would only stoke my libido and not in a good way. If I was away for 12 days, writing a suggestive letter or two is one thing.

But to write an erotic letter about us, with naked pictures of my wife right there, whoa, probably not a good idea. I have pics of my wife, cool, I have written suggestive letters, great.

But one must be careful if their is great distance as it could bring back feelings from previous addictions. Just my thoughts….

Ok, so u went 12 days without sex and it drove you crazy. Now think about people who are not married. How r they gonna deal with it?

So what r they supposed to do? Just lower your standards and marry someone as early as possible? Before having a spouse, someone your that connected to on so many levels, any activity is a shadow of what it can be.

I would suggest 2 books: One is Eden Derailed which I wrote a review on. Before I met my first husband, I had no desire for sex at all. Until you start having sex, the desire is just not the same.

It can be there, but nowhere near as strong. And having had my first marriage end and being alone for six years, knowing what sex is and how awesome it is, and being a high drive person who wanted it just about every day when married, imagine how hard it is to be suddenly single for 6 years.

Yet not once did I desire porn, only even desired masturbation times and even then realised how stupid and pointless and unfulfilling that was and had zero desire to have sex with anyone until my relationship with the man who became my second husband got serious.

Our engagement was difficult — having been married, having spent 7 years having near daily sex, followed by a 6 year drought, it was a constant fight not to constantly think about sex and want to give into the urge.

I think it really depends on what standards you are talking about. That some of them very much should lower their standards! They think some guy who looks like Channum Tatum or whatever is supposed to the hottest guy around these days , who earns at least a few hundred thousand a year, who will do half or all the housework, who will constantly give them expensive gifts, who owns a mansion, will give them a ferrari, will suddenly fall into their lap.

All that matters is she truly following God? If that is your only standard, then you should not lower that standard a millimetre.

But any other standard looks, money, job, future career, etc you should be willing to drop those standards altogether.

Finding myself in my late 20s, divorced after 8 years of marriage with a young child, I found churches to be full of bigots. I lost track of the vile names I was called by some men for even considering getting to know them with the potential of dating one day.

They ignored that there are biblical reasons for divorce which I met the lot of and that here and most of the western world that no fault divorce means you can be divorced against your will and there is not a thing you can do about it.

And that was the guys who called themselves serious christians. Lowering your standards to date someone who is not genuinely following God is not an option, but any other standard really can be dropped.

In the end, my dedication to God has led me to find a man who I love dearly. He may drive me nuts well and truly, he is far from perfect, but everyone in existence is far from perfect.

What matters is he takes his faith seriously and has a heart for God. If your desires are truly a constant struggle, God will send someone your way.

You just have to learn self control til that person comes. Thank you, so much, for writing this. Sometimes I forget, as well as a lot of Christians, the authority and power we are suppose to walk in.

I can not wait for my next orgasm to be with my wife and only my wife! I also read articles written by fellow Christians on social trends and issues and this one helped me learn more about eroticism and Christianity.

Thanks so much! I agree that other faiths may have items that are beneficial to learn. For me, I hold this one verse true in this regard:.

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

I have fantasies, these fantasies are ALWAYS about only my husband and are more about anticipating our union when we see each other.

I believe that is using my mind correctly and according to the will of God. As for writing out fantasies for your spouse, why not? Song of Solomon is highly erotic and beautiful at the same time.

I am very intrigued by your idea of writing erotica for your wife. I will have to think about doing that for mine, too!

But I also think that more broadly, there is the possibility of even single Christians having an outlet of some kind, similar at least in purpose to the porn secular people use.

I know that certain conservative voices will say this is dangerous or inherently sinful, but consider that we are also natural beings, and our bodies have been engineered with certain needs.

Sexuality is meant to be shared with your spouse, no one else. Now, I think sharing about our sexuality with other married couples in order to help them and for healing is good.

But not for titillation. That would fall under the category of sexual immorality. As for it being cruel and unrealistic to expect single adults to go without sexual release.

But now I know what it is and more importantly, I understand why christians need to debate on this. It was too easy for me to think you guys are plain nuts..

Not an easy task… You try to be coherent and that is hard and very brave! Nevertheless I see perplexed, how after years you are still try to adapt your foundation rules to the constantly changing context.

While I understand that society needs to agree upon certain basics to live in harmony… I would never dare to give them a spiritual dimension!

Yes, there is space, so long as you understand the community is religious and are respectful of that. So, I believe most Christians would argue with your base statement, that we decided on certain rules.

From our perspective and belief, we did not decide on the rules. They are set out by God, who is an entity, which exists outside of space-time.

As such, we believe the principles behind these rules to be timeless and true, however, the implementation of said rules must be adapted for us since we are constrained to corporeal existence.

Now, the Bible gives us some years give or take of God telling people directly how to apply those rules to their time.

What we are trying to do, years later, is, based on how we see those rules applied through the millennia, is to continue to apply those rules in a coherent and consistent manner, because we honestly believe that they are for the betterment of our own existence.

Because we believe in a holistic life the spiritual affects the physical, emotional, etc. We believe sex is best experienced between two people who are mated for life, with no other sexual experience, and the statistics I see tend to say the same.

Thus, we push for abstinence prior to marriage, and we push for fidelity in marriage, including porn, including people seeing you naked in a sexual context, including erotic writing, because they can affect the brain in a negative way and impact your marriage.

We push for this sexual purity outside of marriage in order to make marriages better, so that people can have the best sex ever inside of marriage.

But, since our belief is holistic, that is a spiritual thing as well. So, something as mundane as paying taxes or taking out the garbage, or doing chores becomes spiritual.

I hope that answers some of your questions. My focus here is to help Christians and non-Christians if possible have the best sex within marriage, and I think your questions, so far, go towards that goal.

I love your definition but would actually go a step further. I actually would support real materials — videos, tutorials, erotica, etc — featuring married couples; real in the case of the videos, of course.

With all due respect, I am quite puzzled. Correct me if I am wrong, but it seems you have missed the entire point of the post. Whether or not the actors in the pornographic material are married to each other is completely irrelevant.

What is most definitely relevant is the fact that the viewer is absolutely NOT married to the parties involved in the explicit sexual display.

The whole point of the definition provided here was to ensure that the only party reviewing said explicit material is the spouse of the author, and the spouse ALONE.

The concept of public tutorials directly opposes the concept proposed in this post. Tigress, you hit the nail right on the head.

All we need is to find willing yet radical Christian couples who would not be inhibited to share their lovemaking in tutorial films to support other christian married couples love lives.

He likes to watch it while I give him oral sex. You two make your own films! No videogre necessary! I am going out on a limb here as I have been looking for this post to give my 2 bits.

Fair enough. I say, if it is called Christian Porn, it is what is. So if it is christian porn, it is christian porn.

Christian married couples should make innovative use of what God has given to us in the form of our beautiful sexuality, plan to see if it can and will work for their marriages, if necessary go to a good professional acting training course so that they can become the fantasy characters they dream or daydream about becoming ifthey want to ffulfill a visualization of their personal sex fantasies and I know there are many christian couples who do have sexual fantasies they want to fulfill , hire a trustworthy videographer at an affordable price who will maintain their complete privacy, once everything is in place make THEIR OWN PORNO FILMS.

The end result being that the sanctity of the marriage bed remains intact, the couple finds an outlet where they can be their truly sexual selves, they become their own sexual refreshing because they are watching themselves on the film, and the secular porno industry becomes the obsolete factor in influencing any Christian thinking whatsoever.

It got so bad for them that they began offering lucrative contracts to amateur movie makers to let the veteran porno stars appear in their films as well.

The only difference with christian porn is, it is not for public distribution. Personally, there is absolutely no way that I would be discussing or seeking the approval of others regarding my sex life, nor would I betray my husbands confidence by discussing his!

It genuinely baffles me the amount of attention that is given to matters of sex- martial or non. Especially when compared to the rest of every day life and the complex issues that we deal with daily, kids , family, caregiving,etc Sex seems so trivial,in comparison such a small part and so self indulgent.

Get some self control. Had I read 12 days without food or water I could understand. It may seem trivial, but for those of us who are the higher sex-drive spouse, it has implications in all those other aspects of life that you mentioned.

Frankly, I find 12 days without food easier than 12 days without sex. These are just statements over the Net, only personally significant to those who post them.

We can be real, open AND private. Great combo. I think that viewpoint is flawed. But, really? Or you, for that matter?

Why so much hurt, then, when discovering spouse is into porn or masturbating or having an affair or secretly getting vasectomy, etc..

At what point does it stop being trivial? Self control is possible and required in a marriage. Especially if Christian.

Or just to stop whining? The Bible is quite clear: Sex is just as important as food and clothing shelter in a marriage ref: Exodus Bison Raul Julia escapes murder by the female reporter whose family he had killed when she was young.

When she fails the attempt, Bison says not exactly. Watch the movie. For me—it was Tuesday. Gina, you are amazing!!! What a great thing you have put into action.

I would give anything if my wife would do that with me. Nothing could be more exciting than watch us together while we are making love.

Good for you. Your husband will surely keep you. God bless you for your honesty and openness. I assume that a lot of Christians would include in the definition of porn the written word as well as pictures.

It describes some very intense and erotic sexual activity between a man and his lover. Some of the wording is a little cryptic but having read some excellent articles explaining what the words mean leaves me in no doubt as to what it is really about.

So, I would expect that the response to me from my fellow Christians would be to stop reading this porn and destroy it.

I am of-course, referring to the Song of Solomon. Apparently the Jews knew full well the true meaning of this book since Jewish boys were banned from reading it until they turned I used to think that perhaps you could draw a possible sexual meaning from a couple of verses but the more I read about the book, the more I realize that virtually the whole book is deeply sexual.

Blessings, Raymond. Just came across this post. Very good. I do like the idea of taking erotic pics of my wife. Have only done it twice, took some convincing.

It was fun. Have you heard of the site Marriage Heat. Let me know your thoughts on the site. Now, if you want to write your own , I say go for it.

Jay this is my and comment on here, my 1st was a reply that broke the chain of addiction for me… Thank you Jesus, for setting me free… This is a response to the whole article… I LOVE IT!!!

I agree completely with you! Christ made sex. With all of that being said, sex is ONLY meant to be enjoyed, between you and your wife.

Going out of town and having those pictures, using self control fruit of the spirit , and not acting on them masturbation , would just intensify that passion to be with her and please her when you return, especially for men, who generally are turned on by the physical.

Thank you SO much, for being obedient to God and writing this, knowing that you will receive criticism!! Satan has perverted sex and I believe you paint a very accurate and godly picture of what sex, as defined in the bible, should look like.

Again thank you!!! Nice post. Porn is nasty and exploitative and unChristian. But pictures and videos made by a couple for their own consumption is fine.

We did so on an old VHS camera in our 40s and enjoyed the process and the results. We pull it out from time to time on anniversaries. I was single for a good bit of my life, I just want to comment on your struggle to go 12 days without sex.

The church teaches people should go without sex until they are married. When speaking to singles I wish Christians would think realistically before advising singles.

I do struggle to go 12 days. Just to clarify I am married. Show More. Shared by Loveroflust - Hotties Anallove08 1. Shared by Loveroflust - Hotties Anallove08 Shared by Loveroflust - Hot Duo Anallove08 2.

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Born for Porn and for your nice ASS!!! So, this brought me back to: What is Christian Porn? Here we go:. Christian Porn: Media created by a marital unit, involving no one but the members of said marital unit in the creation and content , for the expressed consumption by the same marital unit.

What about you, have you tried something like this in your marriage? If not, are you open to the idea, or not? Anonymous comments welcome as well.

Subscribe to get the 2 page PDF full of questions to help you and your spouse start to talk about your sex life.

Yes, I love this! My husband and I do this with each other some times. Each time we do, it is a deep bonding experience.

Thanks Lisa, was starting to think we were alone here! No comments or anything until now, either on the blog, twitter, Facebook, nothing. The stories are all within acceptable biblical limits, but they are explicit.

I have no problem with a husband and wife writing such things for each other as you did but I am concerned about then sharing those stories with others.

There are some that you pay and they will write a custom story for you, and that just seems dead wrong to me. Save you some money generally as well.

It is one thing to discuss what you do in the marriage bed in generalities, and quite another to let loose the nuisances of the situation and specifics of your fantasies with each other.

I see no good coming from that, or at least much more harm than good. My husband belongs to a christian erotica sight…he submits stories about our encounters..

It seems saying God Bless at the end makes it all acceptable…i feel betrayed and he does not seem to see the problem. By us, for us.

She is my centerfold. There is nothing immoral about sex within a marriage, Christian or not, so by definition there cannot be Christian porn.

Now you might change it to Christian eroticism for that comes from the Greek word eros which is more of a sexual love and longing for someone.

And I certainly hope every marriage and especially every Christian marriage has erotic feelings for one another! No picture or story can replace being with my wife.

Just a regular 8 hour workday is still being away from each other all day. The anticipation is what builds to an exciting finish, i.

This is very well said. We are tired of seeing Christians embrace worldly terms, concepts, and acts in the efforts to try to use them for good.

We both agree. The fact of the matter is, God made sex beautiful and perfect in the confines of the marriage bed.

It speaks for itself. Great post and very interesting article Jay Dee! Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.

To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law though I myself am not under the law , so as to win those under the law.

To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

I see that in every way you are very religious. Thank you for writing about this. I so wish my wife would agree to posing for some nude pictures, just for my enjoyment alone, but given my history of porn addiction, I feel I cannot ask her without upsetting her.

Perhaps you could address whether this is a good idea for christian men or women who struggle with porn or sex addiction. I kind of look at it as a way to flush all the images of nude women who are not my wife out of my mind by filling it with images of my wife in the nude.

Now, keep in mind that my wife only agreed to this after 8 years of marriage, then 3 years of trying to fix our sex life so, 11 years married total , and the special circumstance of me leaving the continent for 2 weeks.

Be patient. I too have a long struggle with porn addiction. I completely understand wanting to rid your mind of the images stored after years of porn.

For me, pictures of my wife help a lot. The naked woman in front of you will always be a draw, so the more often your wife is the one in front of you, I think the more bonded you will be to your wife.

Our society bombards us with nudity and women all day every day, I see it as a way to counter-act that. I can understand, though, the idea that your wife might not understand our perspective though.

The fact is, that men are typically visual creatures. We have to get the real idea across that we love them for more than their naked parts.

We love their minds, their spirits and every part of them. Perhaps some other women can post their perspective on this. Basically our idea is wanting to focus on our wife, however, what they see is that we want our wife to be a porn star, which is associated with dirty, evil, nasty sort of stuff.

So, basically they have the opposite exchange than we do. We want to shift focus, they think we want to put your wife in the place of porn same focus.

My wife said it took her a long time to change her mindset and its not completely changed yet. Communication is the key to speeding that up.

Hopefully some other women can answer and either confirm or give another perspective. We are forgetting one thing here.

One very important key ingredient. Replacing images of naked women with more images even if they are your wife is not the key to getting them out of your head forever.

That is still doing it in your own strength and not addressing the issue. The real way to get those out of your head and continue to walk in victory over our PAST addictions is through and by the finished work of Jesus.

He is the author of redemption and he is the only one who can completely heal what one once broken. Give it to God. Then, He will bless you and your wife with healthy stimulation and relationship practices in the marriage bed with no need for concern over past mistakes because they are just that, in the past.

Isaiah But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

I am a Christian. Raised in independent baptist church, now southern baptist. Also attended a private Christian school in which the girls had to have from neck to ankle covered try buying those clothes these day!

As I got older, I learned about guys and what they think about constantly. At my premarriage counseling, the pastor had told me that I had been misunderstanding the Bible all this time.

He said it was normal for him to look at girls, all of them, all of the time, clothed or no clothes. Still, we got married.

And for our wedding, my present to him was professional pics of me all dolled up with everything but clothes. I thought that would be enough for him, yet 3 years later before our divorce was even final his son came into this world thru one of his exes.

I love your definition of Christian porn! I believe anything and everything is ok to approach and talk about experiencing as long as it ONLY involves the married couple.

But making my own solo movie or one with a hubby is a great idea, especially if there has been a problem with an addicition in the past.

As someone raised in a southern baptist church who attended an Independent Baptist a-la Bob Jones University school I know exactly what you mean, except that the boys in my school did have limits no clothes with logos, no denim, no shorts, shirts must have a collar, and our hair could not touch either our collar or our ears.

I am super surprised that the pastor would have said that in pre-maritial counseling. The only message I got re: sex when I was growing up was this :.

All sex is sinful in any context, even within marriage, but that when you are married God turns a blind eye so long as you are making babies.

Also, sexual sin was given a special status among other sins, making it more sinful than drug addiction and stealing and possibly murder.

Fornicators, adulterers, and divorced people were all going straight to hell unless they repented. Its no surprise that I carried a very warped view of sex into adulthood, one that I am still working on overcoming.

I am in a nearly sexless marriage less than once a month and I struggle to fight the feeling that somehow God is punishing me for my years of promiscuity before I got married.

Do I think your years of promiscuity are harming your marriage today? Do I think God is punishing you?

Do I think God tells us not to have sex outside of marriage because sex is a powerful thing and should only be used in the right context or you will get hurt?

It is not God, but your own choices prior that are punishing you. I think God cares a lot about your sex life, but God is often constrained by human choice.

The problem with giving us freewill is that, well, He has to let us have freewill. And sometimes that means the freedom to deprive and otherwise hurt our spouse.

Continue to pray, continue to be the best husband you can. We cannot change others, only ourselves. I get it now … all the sexual happiness between a married couple that I read about on Christian marriage blogs is reserved for people who saved themselves for marriage.

Those of us who have some sort of sexual sin in our past will just have to be happy with what we can get, if any, because we blew our chance.

Only in the same way that we all have to be happy with what we get because we blow our chance at the perfectly life every hour of every day by sinning.

God sets out in the Bible what to do to have a perfect life and thus to be perfectly happy. But, to date, there has not been a person Jesus excepted that has been able to do it.

As such, yes, we are doomed to a less than perfect life, and that includes less than perfect marriages. By no means. You can still have a good marriage.

I only had sex with my current wife, but before we were married, but even that has caused issues. But we are working to get past them, to accept forgiveness and to lead godly lives from this point forward.

That is all we can do, and God promises that if we follow His commandments, we will become new people, changed and that means our lives are changed as well, for the better.

There are 2 rules for salvation: believe in God and accept that Jesus died for your salvation. All the rest is to help you have a happier life, to bring heaven here on earth.

Follow them, and you will taste heaven before you die. Not in full, but in part. I hope that clarifies my viewpoint. Any sex before marriage, even sinless sex, makes things harder in your marriage.

My husband is my second husband and having had a sexual history means there has been issues and complications because of it. Whether it be sexual abuse, sexual abandonment, our spouse cheating, whatever.

Even if we did nothing sinful to cause the situation, we still pay the price. They were dedicated wives, never refused, always submitted, always loved.

Yet their husbands still cheated on them, and their husbands brought home a serious and sometimes eventually will be fatal STD from their mistresses.

Same with rape victims who catch STDs and even worse when the victim is a young child. It is not punishment. It is merely the consequences of living in a broken world.

If he demands or manipulates her into doing what he wants, then it will not be healthy for them or their marriage.

I posted your comment on Facebook asking for feedback from other wives, and she responded to that post.

The last time we discussed my feelings about our sex life and how I wanted her to act like she was more interested, she gave me the silent treatment for a day.

Later she apologized, but told me that the reason for the silent treatment was that I made her feel de-valued. I have not brought up the topic since.

In my head I know that the Bible says He does care, but my heart is having a hard time believing it. If it sounds like I am complaining, I am sorry, I just need somewhere to express my feelings.

God forgive me. You have to decide for yourself how you view it. The question you are asking seems to be one of specific identity- if there is no name and I can fill in the blank with the right answer, does that make it ok?

Is it ok to sleep with someone other than your spouse, as long as you blind fold them and only imagine yourself with your spouse during the act?

I am not asking these questions to mock, but simply to take the initial concept and push the envelope of identity suspension and insertion by extending the principle to alternate, and in some cases, more extreme situations.

As Jay Dee said, your question is debatable depending on who you ask- the idea is acceptable within some circles and questionable in others.

Even if you conclude that identity swapping is acceptable within the confines of written erotica, the ethical slope seems a bit slippery and perhaps a bit prone to escalation of what is considered ethical porn consumption.

I appreciate the suggestion but I find it difficult to find a real application for this. I actually discussed this with some of my male and Christian friends who are fairly open about discussing topics such as sex and we concluded, unanimously, that it takes very little to get the male libido stoked.

So if one is going to take masturbation off of the table as an appropriate outlet for those ignited feelings, we all agreed that this exercise would be more frustrating and irritating than helpful.

But the effect is the same…. I realize that the underlying thought is that it begins to create a desire for, and anticipation for your spouse with whom you hope to soon be reunited but the reality is….

This is not the way to live. I can do 3 days without orgasm easily now. Now, perhaps I have a lower drive than you and your friends, who knows.

What I need is a connection to my spouse for our relationship to be strong. Honestly, I look at the smile on her face more than anything else.

That is the sexiest part, her attitude. I hope that clarifies. Maybe we can get some others to offer their perspectives.

I too went through a period where twice a day was not in the lease bit unusual. But being able to go for long periods of time without an orgasm is one thing.

Only getting sex once or twice a month kind of helps one build up a tolerance for building horniness with no outlet.

But to resist masturbating when not intentionally stimulating the libido…. The former is a matter of self control and putting appropriate boundaries in place to prevent you from making the task harder than it has to already be.

The latter is tempting fate to me. Hunger is a natural drive. I digress. Think about them, how good they taste, how sweet they are on your tongue, how satisfying it is to get that sugar rush as that golden cake dissolves in your mouth…..

To me….. Why are you excluding masturbation in marriage? There is not one verse in the Bible that condemn that, which is odd since it goes in so much details in condemning some other sexual practices.

Why do married men masturbate? Apologies for replying to a months old comment, but I felt this was the best place to raise such objections.

Firstly, I do not believe anything even masturbation can be a sin unless it meets one of two criteria: 1 It defies God 2 The individual commits it believing it to be sin as Paul says in Romans As God has not denounced the act of solo masturbation itself, solo masturbation becomes sin when it is viewed as such.

And if it is not viewed as such, it becomes permissible. But then, is it beneficial? I would say that in most circumstances, no. While solo masturbation may be permissible, it is not often beneficial.

In the specific context of this discussion, however, I believe it is. This hormone has an effect that emotionally bonds you to your partner.

But, when you are viewing porn, your partner is the computer, or the actress on the screen. Ideally, you want your brain to be turned on by your spouse and only your spouse.

Masturbating to porn does bond you to the actress on the screen. But what if you are masturbating to nude photos of your spouse? Who then are you bonding to when you orgasm?

It follows that you bond to your spouse. And as you have said, bonding to your spouse is ideal.

Now of course, actually having sex with your spouse is better than merely masturbating to a photo of your spouse. But this is not always possible or practical.

Your spouse could be physically separated, or in poor physical condition that does not allow for sex, or maybe just not in the mood for sex at the time or even fasting sex?

In such cases, solo masturbation to the thoughts or images of your spouse with their knowledge and consent, of course is the best available method for bonding to your spouse sexually.

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